Elder Collins

Hey family,
        I just first have to say thank you! Mom if you hadnt of called i probably woudlnt have had the opportunity to meet with Elder Packard. I had probably the hardest week of my life last week. i have never felt so down and alone and i still in the MTC and nick is here!! but i dont know i guess my problem is i think way to much about the future and about home. I love Elder Packard! he is such an amazing man and has helped me a lot. I just started medication yesterday so hopefully it can help me out. Talking with him helped me calm down about my fears. Ive met with him like 4 times already and i look forward to each time i get to. He helped me determine my stress is triggured from fear of safety and fear of failure. He has helped me by giving me techniques and other things. He is trying to help me learn how to control my thinking process. One thing that helps is if i look at things as possible and likely. Is it possible that i could get hurt out here? yes but is it likely i will get out here? no. That helps me a lot but i still do get worried over things like that but hopefully the medication can help me. Thank you so much for your prayers, i know i could feel them blessing me with comfort. I just felt like i wasnt recieving help when i prayed last week because i wasnt recieving any peace or comfort. I would pray my heart out and i would still feel just miserable. We had a lesson in priesthood about joseph smith and the first vision. Just as it seemed as he was going to give up to total destruction he saw a pillar of light. I guess i like to think of that as a version of me. I know dads right, i needed to be completely broken so that he could build me back up. im doing a lot better now. im glad they emailed you or at least said they did to let you know they were helping me. Im still going to hopefully talk to Elder Packard before i leave and a couple of times throughout my mission. He is so nice and cares about me a lot! I love you guys so much and am so grateful for all that you do and that you are always here for me. Im glad i have nick here with me too! i truly believe we were sent to the same mission for this purpose, i think it was for me, who knows there might be more but im glad to have him here. and i also make sure he doesnt smoke any weed!haha sorry i just had to say it. Thanks family for your prayers. So enough with the depressing stuff so hopefully my hair will start coming back once i start feeling all the way better again, cause im almost positive im thinning.  Hows home? hows everyone? how is the nfl going? is the NBA lockout over?  Did myles brake his ankle *and dont worry you can tell me that kind of stuff it wont freak me out i was just having a terrible day* anything new? and did you get a good tree or at least one that i would approve of? I finally got some mail! so that really made my day! those pics were way funny of me and elder hjorth he just bearly left to honduras. So all of the latinos went into the field so we got to go on a tour of downtown Lima, we had time to shop and buy pizza or burgers oh man i love eating pizza. It was a good time. We got to tour the old monestary there. It was pretty freaky! tons of creepy pics of saints and virgin mary and there was statues of christ on the cross everywhere. We even got to go down into the catacombs! There was so many bones it was freaky! After president bought us all custard filled churros which are better than funnel cakes. I bought Myles max anna sam some of those llama hat benie things but i dont know if you will be able to recieve them til after christmas sorry but just know i still got you presents. I got a new latino comp earlier this week too! this one doesnt speak any english but i like him so much more. he is such a nice kid and is always trying to buy me stuff. Im teaching him some english and i really have noticed progress in my spanish just this week trying to communicate with him. His name is Elder Availa hes from peru so thats cool. nicks never showed up so we do a treo when we teach, its a lot easier haha. Hey i was thinking i might have a check from work so if you wanted you could check it would hurt you can take the family to dinner or something on me! Our president is trying to make christmas eve fun for us. he has been asking us for ideas and i told him to give us our candy back and he said he would!.. the whole mtc owes me for that one! Im trying to figure out how to send emails with pictures so i can show you some stuff. I miss you all so much!!! im pretty sure it came quicker to me than most people but you guys were right. this is for myles and max...Im sorry for ever being rude or mean to you guys and not for being the best older brother all the time. i really miss you guys a lot! your my best friends and i wish i would have hung out with you more before i left. I hope your having fun in school and making good choices. Myles if your ankle is broke i pray that it heals fast and same with maxs finger. I also hope the Packers are still undefeated because they were the last time i heard. I love you too a lot and cant wait to be able to give you a hug and teach you some spanish!! i just got maxs letter today but i havent read it because they always make me cry so i have to wait so no one can see me.  Tell Anna and sam i miss them like crazy! hows vollyball going for anna? is sam playing J jazz? if so i want pictures! i want more pictures of everything! Thanks mom and dad for your help i couldnt believe how soon they talked to me after i sent that email. Im blessed to have you as my parents. just to let you know they might change our Pday to sat next week for christmas eve so dont be worried if the email doesnt come on wed. Im doing better and hopefully i will be better than ever pretty soon! I love you all so much and miss you! stay warm and what not! thanks!
reg